Age of Earth Conclusively Proven

Researchers from a place that assures us they are all about the science have concluded that the planet Earth is 6.1 x 103 years old.

Dr. Henry Marcus, director of the Real Science Institute, stated in a press conference yesterday that:
RSI geologists have been reading around the clock to determine the age of the Earth and I have some exciting news. We have narrowed the true age of our planet down from "somewhere between six and ten thousand years" to "around 6100". And you know it's true because it's in a book!

Dr. Marcus went on to enumerate the future plans for the project: "We suspect that if we dig deep enough, we might find Hell or at least the place where Satan hides all of those dinosaur bones." He also mentioned the discovery of a "seriously badass" picture of God making, like, everything (see image below - click to enlarge).

He responded to reporters' questions by loudly declaring that he totally has a PhD in science and so do all the other people at the institute. Really. Then he threw some Jack Chick tracts at the crowd and fled.

The Real Science Institute was founded in 1972 by a guy whose girlfriend used to get As on all her chemistry tests.

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